I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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