dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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