Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize