By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
