Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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