I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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