just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize