oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
