I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
