I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
