I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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