Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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