It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
vagina is talking i cant
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
