he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
