you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
