dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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