Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
