Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
