Nicole vs. Life
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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