I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
