It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
