There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
