I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
