just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
