loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Do vagina's smell?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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