my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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