You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
