I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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