The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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