remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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