You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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