She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
