In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
