I'm sorry my penis didn't work
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize