I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
