I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
