did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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