Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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