It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
