I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
