i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize