Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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