There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
