HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
