I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
