Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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