She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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