careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
