we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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