Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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