Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
