she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize