mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
