my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think i got beer on your cat.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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