I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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