we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
