Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
