She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
