How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
